I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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