i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
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