Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
