Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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