Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
