Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
