at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
