I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
