if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
