Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
