Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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