where am i from again
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
