I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
