You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
