I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
