just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Randomize