dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
should my penis look like a turkey
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Randomize
