it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
