I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
