i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
