whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
