I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
