yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
