Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
