between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
