I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
