If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
