i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
