i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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