yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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