Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
