i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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