Whod you bang
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
