Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
