There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
