I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
