This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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