wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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