All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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