You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
