Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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