I hate your face
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
