just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
