I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
