One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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