I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
We named our party play list daddy issues
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
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