Umm I'm too high to move.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
