I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
