Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
