everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
NoShamevember. You game?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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