So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
