I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
