am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
