That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
