You're so nebulous sometimes
I think I died a long time ago.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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