she woke up with a sticky ear
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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