my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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