So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
