Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
