so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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