Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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